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My Coronavirus Sanity Guide

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I’m a little late to the game on writing this blog because, frankly, I’m right there with everyone else figuring out how to cope with the rapidly changing situation we are facing right now. I have had to face head-on that a number of recommendations I usually give clients to manage their mood/anxiety (i.e., get out of your house and spend time with people!) are not feasible, safe, or even legal right now. In today’s blog I’m going to take a different approach – I will highlight the ways in which my family and I have been coping with the coronavirus pandemic.

Exercise.

I wrote a blog last April about the profound and robust impact exercise has on us. It is more important now than ever. Even though gyms and group fitness is closed right now, there are other options. Any free morning I have, I put my son in the jogging stroller and we head out on a run in the neighborhood. He enjoys the ride and scenery, and I get an extra challenging workout pushing him up the hills. We are also mixing it up with short bodyweight HIIT workouts and yoga at home. There are a number of free resources available right now!

Maintain a schedule, but be flexible.

Structure is essential in managing mood, anxiety, and stress. But let’s be honest, it’s pretty tough to do right now. My husband and I have continued to maintain our pre-coronavirus sleep schedule, as well as morning and night routines. We have also tried to keep our little guy on his preschool schedule as best we can. Children thrive on repetition and routine, so if he is happy and well rested, it’s good for all of us. It also allows us to work and keep up with (sort of!) household chores.

Practice mindfulness.

Have you heard of mindfulness? The godfather of mindfulness in the psychology world, Jon Kabat-Zinn, defines it as “paying attention to something, in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally.” In other words, be present and don’t get caught up in judging what is going on. Again, in a time when we are limited in terms of what we can do, we always have the ability to be present. Ten percent happier, an awesome mindfulness app I recommend to almost all of my clients, has published a Coronavirus Sanity Guide full of great talks and a few guided meditations. I have been doing the basic relaxation exercise daily to manage stress. Or, if I’m feeling particularly wired at night, I go through one of the guided sleep meditations in the app before bed.

Watch your drinking.

Texans are drinking the most alcohol right now. This fact has been humorous (and a source of pride!) to many folks I am seeing, but drinking more can easily be a slippery slope. It also contributes to poorer sleep, and worsened anxiety and depression. I enjoy wine, but have also kept rules and boundaries in place for drinking during this time. We are continuing to have alcohol-free days. And, on days we do decide to imbibe, I’m limiting it to 2.

If you find you are struggling with this, I suggest waiting until later in the evening to drink. The later you wait, the less you will likely drink. I also suggest that during your grocery store runs pick up non-alcoholic beverage options. Water is great and healthy, but gets boring after a while. You’re also more likely to follow through on an alcohol-free day if you can drink something that feels like a treat. If you are really struggling with drinking, or working hard to maintain sobriety, AA is offering online meetings.

Stay in touch with family and friends.

Everyone is in the same boat right now and craving human connection. Even though we need to be social distancing, it doesn’t mean you have to be out of contact with friends, family, and colleagues. We have been making a point to FaceTime with family and friends almost daily, and have plans to set up a Zoom dinner party here soon!

Set realistic expectations for yourself.

You are not going to be able to be the employee, spouse, parent, friend, etc. that you are under normal circumstances. That is ok. Keep reminding yourself that you are doing a great job. If you are struggling with that, talk it through with a family member, friend, or mental health professional – I guarantee they will help you see that! Another great resource for changing unhelpful thinking patterns is Mind over Mood, a cognitive restructuring workbook.

I’m continuing to provide therapy during the coronavirus pandemic, both in-person and via video. Please reach out to me by phone at 512-521-1531 or email at laura@drlaurawahlstrom.com if you would like to set up a free phone consultation.

Work to Live, or Live to Work?

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Happy new year! Is it too late to still be saying that? While a new year represents a fresh start with a renewed focus on goals, it also tends to be a really busy time for folks at work. I see a lot of individuals in my practice, of all ages, who are experiencing work-related stress. My blog today will focus on things related to work stress and burnout to watch out for, and ways to start addressing it.

Did you know that people in the US work more than those in any other country? Did you also know we are one of the only countries that doesn’t limit the number of hours one can work in a week? Some estimates indicate that 85% of men and 66% of women work more than 40 hours per week. Based on my experience, I would guess that these numbers are even higher for those working in tech or finance.

I am certainly not saying that working 40+ hours a week is always bad. If you love your work and feel that the way your time spent is a good fit for you and consistent with your values, continue plugging away. If you’re not sure (or are sure but want some confirmation or direction!), read below.

Is work a problem? Ask yourself the following questions:

Are you burned out?

Ask yourself the following questions (taken from Mayo Clinic):

    1. Have you become cynical or critical at work?
    2. Do you drag yourself to work and have trouble getting started?
    3. Have you become irritable or impatient with co-workers, customers or clients?
    4. Do you lack the energy to be consistently productive?
    5. Do you find it hard to concentrate?
    6. Do you lack satisfaction from your achievements?
    7. Do you feel disillusioned about your job?
    8. Are you using food, drugs or alcohol to feel better or to simply not feel?
    9. Have your sleep habits changed?
    10. Are you troubled by unexplained headaches, stomach or bowel problems, or other physical complaints?

Are you too emotionally invested in your work?

Here is a great article that talks about how meaningful work is contributing to health problems. The article argues that more emotionally connected you are to your work, the more opportunity it has to negatively affect your wellbeing.

Are you doing things outside of work?

Many of us don’t have the luxury or working solely for fun, but have to work to support our family and pay our bills. If we’re lucky, we make enough money to enrich our lives in other ways – i.e., a comfortable home, nice vacations/experiences. If you are finding you don’t have the time or energy to engage in hobbies or with friends/family when you’re not working, then how is that job really serving you?

Steps you can take to address work-related issues.

Clarify expectations.

Sit down with your boss to clarify what is expected of you in terms of hours worked, availability, and productivity. After that, re-evaluate your work schedule and try something different out (i.e., leaving 2 days per week by 5 p.m.). Set aside time each day (and more time on days “off”) to be phone/computer free. This may also include turning off certain notifications on your phone.

Work smarter, not harder.

Research shows that we become less efficient after 50 hours of work in a week. If you’re struggling to get everything done in those hours or fewer, consider learning new strategies to increase efficiency. My clients have found Deep Work to be incredibly helpful.

Consider changing jobs or industries.

If you have tried the above suggestions (and countless other things!) and are still struggling with work stress or burnout, it may be time to change jobs. See what else is out there – the internet these days provides a wealth of insight into specific jobs and companies. Or, consider working with a recruiter or career coach to help you find a better fit.

I’ll end on this note: the Harvard Adult Development Study found that the #1 predictor of later life satisfaction is warm relationships. This was confirmed by my own experience working with the elderly. Very few spoke about their work, but everyone spoke about their family and friends. If your work is interfering with your ability to foster these kind of relationships, consider this a wake up call to change your situation.

If you live in the Austin area and feel like you would benefit from support and guidance on dealing with work stress or burnout, please reach out to me via telephone at 512-521-1531 or email me at laura@drlaurawahlstrom.com to discuss your situation and see if I may be a good fit to help.

A Simple, Yet Not-Always-Easy, Solution to Reducing Depression and Anxiety

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Summer is right around the corner, which can be a stressful time for many. Maybe you have kids who will be out of school, which means your home will be noisier and days will be busier. Maybe you have a busy social calendar filled with trips, weddings, and barbecues. Maybe you are dreading the triple-digit Texas temperatures and having to spend more time inside.

During times of stress, healthy habits tend to fall to the wayside. Same is true if we find ourselves increasingly struggling with depression or anxiety. We do things that we think are helping us (i.e., sleeping more, eating more high carb/fat foods, drinking alcohol), and do less of things that actually help us.

Exercise is a powerful, but often overlooked, tool in managing these issues. Research indicates that an exercise regimen is as effective at treating depression as anti-depressant medication. Even better? The effects are immediate – most people feel the mood-boosting effects about 5 minutes after completing their exercise.

The mechanisms whereby exercise improves your mood is two-fold. When you exercise, physiological changes occur in your body that have a direct impact on your mood. Endorphins (natural painkillers) and serotonin (a neurotransmitter that plays a key role in happiness and wellbeing), increase, and stress hormones (cortisol and adrenaline) decrease. Exercise also contributes to improved sleep, which we know plays a key role in both depression and anxiety.

Psychologically, exercise contributes to a feeling of accomplishment (“yay! I did something today besides watch Netflix!”), increases self-efficacy (“when I feel bad I can do something to change it!”), improves healthy coping skills (“wow, a quick run makes me feel a lot better than a couple glasses of wine!”). For those that suffer from anxiety, which is usually marked by a lot of physical symptoms, exercise induces a lot of the feared physical symptoms (heart racing, sweating). The repeated experiencing of these physical symptoms helps you to become less afraid of them and attach new, more helpful, meaning to them.

However, exercise is simple in terms of concept, but not always easy to execute. To overcome this, I have a few suggestions. First, keep in mind the law of inertia. It is far more difficult to get something moving than it is to keep it moving. Try to get started on your new exercise regimen on a day and time that you are feeling most motivated or energized, for example, on Saturday morning after a cup of coffee. From there, set reasonable goals and be consistent. You are not going to be able to run at the same pace you did as a high schooler in cross country if you haven’t gone out for a run in years. Any exercise is progress and movement in the right direction! Also, keep in mind you are not always going to feel like exercising. And, the good news is, you don’t have to in order to do it! Keep a journal and write down the positive effects you feel after you exercise, and revisit those entries when you need some extra motivation. Lastly, be kind to yourself and expect that it isn’t going to go perfectly. You may miss a workout, or fall back into old habits. Acknowledge that this has happened, and resume your routine.

If you live in the Austin area and feel like you would benefit from support and guidance on managing depression or anxiety, please reach out to me via telephone at 512-521-1531 or email me at laura@drlaurawahlstrom.com to discuss your situation and see if I may be a good fit to help.

Moving On After a Relationship Ends

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Your boyfriend or girlfriend has just dumped you. Initially, you feel numb and in disbelief that the relationship is over. As more time passes, you cycle amongst sadness, anger, and feeling okay. Despite the relationship being over, you continue to follow them on social media. On the one hand, it relieves the anxiety of wondering what they are up to, but you also recognize that it is keeping you from moving forward.

Does any of this sound familiar? Moving forward after the end of a relationship can be a long, painful, and frustrating process. In my blog post today, I will discuss the treatment approach I use when working with folks who are having difficulty moving on after a breakup, and provide some practical tips for how to cope.

When working with individuals looking to heal after the end of a relationship, I have found Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to be highly effective. The ACT approach centers on the notion that pain and suffering are an unavoidable part of human existence, and in spite of that we can cultivate a rich, meaningful life. Rather than identifying and changing your thoughts (as is the focus of cognitive therapy), ACT teaches you how to create “space” for your thoughts. This allows you do better evaluate what thoughts are helpful versus unhelpful, and have unhelpful thoughts have less of an impact on you. Having that space also allows you to do more of things that are important to you.

How can this help when going through a breakup? In the early stages after a breakup, and often times for a while after, your thoughts are consumed by that person. How are they feeling? Are they struggling too? Have they moved on? If it has been a long time since the breakup, we may feel shame or frustration for continuing to think about that person and try to push those thoughts out of our mind. However, this doesn’t work! Let’s say for example, I tell you not to think about a pink elephant. Think about anything except a pink elephant. What are you thinking about? A pink elephant! Because the act of trying to push something out of our mind involves thinking about that very thing.

Instead, try allowing that thought or image to be there, but in a different way. In ACT, we learn skills called defusion and mindfulness. Oftentimes we are so “fused” with our thoughts we believe we are one with them, that they are fact, or that we need to act on them. Not the case. Our minds generate something like 50,000 – 70,000 thoughts per day – isn’t that incredible? And imagine if we acted on every thought our mind generated. That would be pretty bad, right?

Instead, we learn to be aware of our thoughts, but not get “hooked on them.” We let go of the judgments about what it means we are having these thoughts, and judgements about the thoughts themselves. We notice that the thoughts are there, and this what our mind does – generates thoughts. And then, we allow them to pass.

Below are some ways to practice defusion:

  1. Put “I am having the thought that” in front of any self-statements.
  2. Imagine your thoughts typed out on a computer screen, and then imagine yourself changing the font and colors.
  3. Repeat a word in which you tend to use when judging yourself harshly over and over aloud until the word becomes meaningless.

Below are some ways to practice mindfulness:

  1. Imagine yourself sitting by a stream. Imagine your thoughts on a leaf in the stream, and allow them to float away.
  2. Imagine yourself sitting on the beach. Imagine your thoughts written in the sand, and watch the tide wash the writing away.
  3. Imagine yourself lying on a blanket in a field on a warm day. Imagine your thoughts on clouds, and allow the clouds to float away.

At this point you may be thinking, okay, so I am working to allow my thoughts to be there, but is that it? No, that’s not it! When we are feeling sad or anxious, our tendency is to withdraw and not let other see us that way – to hunker down at home, in front of the television watching Netflix, eating a bowl of ice cream. Those behaviors seem like they help us to cope, when actually they maintain depression and anxiety.

So, go against what your mind is telling you to do (defusion!) and get active! And don’t just get active, get active doing things that matter to you. A relationship (and subsequent breakup) can sometimes take you away from things that you value. Is health something that is important to you? Join a bootcamp or running club, or sign up for a cooking class. Is family important? Schedule lunch with a family member or, if they are far away, book a trip to see them. As I see it, you have two choices. You can feel sad or anxious and do nothing, or you can feel sad and anxious and be doing something that may improve your situation. Just because you don’t feel like doing something, doesn’t mean you can’t do it (again, defusion!).

If you are struggling with the end of a relationship and live in the Austin area, please give me a call at 512-521-1531 or email me at laura@drlaurawahlstrom.com to discuss your situation and see if I may be able to help. Below I have also included links to some ACT resources if you found my suggestions helpful and would like to learn more about it.

The Happiness Trap

Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life

*Note: Defusion and mindfulness strategies are taken from ACT Made Simple by Russ Harris, PhD

Dry January… and Beyond?

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Did you participate in Dry January? For those that are not familiar, Dry January is choosing not to drink alcohol during the month of January. This has been primarily practiced in the UK, but has gained traction in the US in recent years. The idea behind Dry January is to help your body “reset” after the indulgences of the holidays and to kick start a New Years commitment to health. Whether you participated, continued with your usual habits, or have never heard of it, everyone can benefit from taking a look at their drinking habits and relationship with alcohol.

What is “problem” drinking exactly?

I often hear statements like “I don’t drink alone, so I must not have a problem” or “I don’t drink in the morning, so I am certainly not an alcoholic.” However, problem drinking is more complex and multifaceted than that. Rather than solely focusing on how often and how much you drink, we instead identify the ways in which alcohol may be having a negative impact on your life.

Some questions you can ask yourself to determine if drinking may be a problem for you are:

  • When I drink, do I have more drinks than I planned to? Am I drinking more often than I want to?
  • Have I tried to cut down but haven’t been able to?
  • Am I spending a lot of time drinking, or a lot of time recovering from a hangover?
  • Am I having cravings or urges to drink?
  • Am I neglecting responsibilities at work, home, or school because of drinking?
  • Is drinking contributing to problems in my relationships?
  • Have I given up hobbies, interests, or friendships because of drinking?
  • Have I put myself in dangerous situations when I’m drinking (i.e., driving a car).
  • Do I have physical health problems that are made worse by drinking?
  • Does drinking alcohol negatively impact my mood, anxiety, or other aspects of my mental health?

If you answered yes to 2 or more of these questions, you may want to consider changing your drinking habits. However, change does not necessarily have to mean never drinking again or attending AA meetings (though both are great choices for many!). Below I will discuss some other options.

Sampling Sobriety

This is essentially what Dry January is. Committing to a set amount of time alcohol free (e.g., 2 days per week, 1 week, 1 month), gives you the opportunity to directly experience what life is like without alcohol in it. For those wanting to sample sobriety, I encourage them to track their mood, sleep, and other changes they notice, so that after the sampling period is over they can make an informed decision about their drinking going forward. What if you try to sample sobriety and aren’t able to do it? That may be a sign drinking is a problem for you and it is time to reach out for help.

Harm Reduction

The harm reduction approach involves changing your drinking habits so that they have less of a negative impact on your life. This can be accomplished in a number of different ways, but it almost always involves reducing how much and/or how often you drink. Two strategies that help with this are measuring and counting drinks – often times what you think is 1 drink is more like 2 or 3 because of the quantity of liquor in it or the size of the pour. Also, it is important to make a conscious effort to cultivate activities and hobbies that do not center around drinking. Commit to a morning run when you otherwise may have stayed in bed, meet friends for coffee rather than drinks, or take that hike you haven’t made time for yet because an afternoon at the brewery has sounded more appealing.

If after reading this you are questioning your drinking habits, psychotherapy can provide you a space to explore the pros and cons of change. And, if you decide to move forward with reducing or stopping drinking, it can offer you the support, accountability, and tools to increase your likelihood of success. If you live in the Austin area, I would love to speak with you about your situation and see if I may be able to help. I can be reached by email at laura@drlaurawahlstrom.com or by phone at 512-521-1531.